Reflections from the Shores – Eric Gandelman

Shabbat Shalom,

 

For those of you who may not know me, my name is Eric Gandelman. I was a CIT in 2016 and this was, unexpectedly, my 13th summer at Kawaga – my 7th on staff.

 

I say this summer was unexpected because the last time I was here for a proper summer was in 2021. I didn’t foresee being on the shores as a 26 year old. But, in May, I had just gotten back from a trip when I found out I was laid off from my consulting job. 

 

Around that time, my good friend Sean Gooze had been inviting me to come up to camp for Memorial Day weekend with him and his college friends to do some manual labor. With the newfound time on my hands, I decided to accept his invitation and join the venture.

 

Before going, Ethan Loewenstein and Tucker Froelich expressed jealousy at me being up here. In my head I thought, ‘Yeah, sure, it’ll be a nice weekend but it’s nothing to get that jealous or excited about.’ However, shortly after arriving, I realized how right they were and how wrong I was. These grounds are sacred and they soon captivated me. I found myself marveling at the beauty of this place and feeling its bliss. It felt special seeing camp through the lens of someone who appreciates the beauty of nature more than my younger self. I felt immense gratitude for having been able to spend my summers here as a child and young man.

 

Another friend of mine, Quinn Korach, was up here that same weekend. Somewhat jokingly, but I think mostly seriously, he was telling me to just come up for the summer. In all honesty, the thought was becoming increasingly tempting and I left that weekend feeling that I would love to somehow make it work.

 

As the summer went on, my job search wasn’t really advancing much. On June 23rd, I checked my phone and saw I had a text from Ty. It’s crazy because the night before I had a premonition that this exact thing would happen. Upon seeing his name on my notification window, I felt excited. It was one of those strains of excitement where even if your mind tries to suppress it, your body cannot; I felt myself smiling and feeling light in my chest. On June 25th, we had a phone call and it was quickly decided that I would be coming up. On June 27th, Quinn was picking me up from Rhinelander and that night I slept in cabin 17. 

 

I can’t lie, the first few hours and days felt a bit off: something along the lines of feeling like a stranger in one’s own home. It was definitely a little weird to be up here and be a counselor with people I mostly remembered as Chips and Siouxs. If you had told me in April that I would be sleeping in a road cabin with 12 year olds or going on a Sioux trip, I wouldn’t have taken you seriously.

 

However, I knew this awkwardness would be there and that it was merely an initial hurdle to overcome. I knew this from 2023: the last time I also somewhat randomly came to camp for the last two weeks. I really just can’t seem to let this place go. And as the days went by, sure enough, I found my groove back at Kawaga. The ensuing four and a half weeks I spent here were some of the best I’ve ever had. 

 

Despite my initial concerns, I was able to form strong bonds with my cabin and other campers in camp. Spending some years in the corporate world brought me to revere the opportunity at Kawaga to provide foundational life experiences and joy to others. And as I told Ty on the phone, this increased appreciation meant that I was even more motivated to go the extra mile for the people of this place and hold myself to a worthy standard.

 

Since my early years on staff, I had often thought to myself and shared with others that being a counselor at Kawaga is the best job you could have because it’s simply about “being the boy”. In more eloquent terms, being a good counselor is largely about the question ‘How good of a person are you willing to be?’ This question presents itself to you internally countless times here: in walking by that person you don’t really know on the road and deciding whether or not to say “Hi” to them, in seeing a piece of trash and deciding whether or not to pick it up, in mentoring or helping other counselors, and in your aspirations for the summer as a whole. 

 

Kawaga presents everyone within its confines with infinite opportunities to rise to its standards. By feeling so fortunate just to be here and maturing over the years, I was able to reach these standards more often than I did in the past. This brought on an additional layer of fulfillment to my normal camp experience and something that I had been missing desperately. I felt like the best version of myself, something I believe many of us feel when we find ourselves at Kawaga.

 

The second primary reason behind my experience this summer is what I’ve labeled as the inertia of Kawaga. Allow me to explain. 

 

There would be moments when I would find myself drifting out a bit and observing camp life from what felt like a removed perspective. Initially, I found this happening in the mess hall. A common example would be seeing Phil Kaplan, a second-year counselor, making EP announcements and leading staff stays. This same counselor was my camper when he was 12 and I was a fourth year counselor in 2020. The same type of observation would hit me when I’d spend time at the waterfront or skiing and see those areas being led by guys who weren’t even campers when I was a CIT.

 

These thoughts guided me to the concept of inertia. Kawaga keeps moving regardless of us being here or not. The physical bodies making camp tick and enjoying the bliss of summers in the Northwoods change year after year. However, the essence within those bodies does not. I think any of us could be inserted into a version of Kawaga other than our own and still feel at home. We would still find people with the same personalities and performing the same functions. This lays the foundation for this weekend and why we are able to connect so easily despite possibly never meeting before. As Matthew Kisin said to me yesterday, “In a way, we all experienced the same Kawaga.” The sacredness of its grounds, the caliber of young men here, and the purity of camp life are eternal.

 

While this faceless inertia contributed to my awkward feeling in the first few days, it later became a cause of appreciation and further reflection. Camp’s inertia is what allowed me to feel such fulfillment not only from my work as a counselor, but also from the relationships I was able to make with the current staff, despite a difference in age or nationality. When assigned to skiing, I found myself having deep conversations with Josh Levitan, a third-year counselor, about our lives and challenges outside of camp life. Or when walking about, I would love to stop by and speak to Joe Patey, a second-year counselor from England, who I otherwise never would’ve met.

 

There is an interdependence here: something is in motion that is bigger than all of us, while simultaneously requiring our stewardship to keep it so. It is a privilege to speak here before all of you who have participated in this act of stewardship and grown as a result of your time at camp.

 

We all depend on Kawaga to grow into the men we are today. Kawaga gives beauty to our lives in the form of cherished memories and friendships. As we grow older and become staff members, our days are predicated on bringing that beauty and goodness to others, helping them mature as young men. Regardless of the ways in which the outside world may change, the importance of engaging in this process never will.

 

I think oftentimes we are obsessed with linear progression in our lives. And while this obsession is partly valid due to the laws of nature and the responsibilities of manhood, it can sometimes create limitations and prevent us from getting the most out of life. This summer reminded me that I should never feel above or overlook the opportunity to do good in this world, regardless of how it aligns with my plans. It’s a difficult balance to strike, but I’m deeply fulfilled by my decision to trust in Kawaga’s pure goodness this summer and I’m grateful that my life’s circumstances aligned in such a way.

 

I probably wouldn’t have been here this summer had it not been for Sean, Quinn, and Ty. Thank you to those guys and everyone else who was here this summer for playing your part in this chapter of my Kawaga experience. It was a privilege to be here this year and serve as a steward to a place that has touched us all so deeply.